It took a while to get here, decades really. It’s worthy to point out that when I reflect on my journey, it has been a fulfilling one. One where trying to find me has been at its ultimate core. As our society moves to become more scientifically advanced, it’s interesting that today we’ve the means to communicate with someone a thousand miles away yet, unable to talk to our neighbour across the fence. This instantaneous ability has also warped our ability to discern what’s real or even has substance. Case in point, the ability of a celebrity to affect the stock market by just putting out a Tweet!
The attraction famous or not-so-famous individuals can now command is frightening since these persons may not even know past the dozen or so people who truly do know them and yet, their word has ramifications which they probably didn’t even know. They’ve now become the hero for someone else and their word is “law”, so to speak. They now had the ability to command a multitude by just tweeting or posting something and we only have to see the vitriol one person may spout about another and the trolling that takes place forthwith! So, it brings to question…whose hero are they?
I remember being in that place where I revered those around me, especially when in a relationship (my own back story and for another time!) and once I’d received just a little attention from the opposite sex, that’d be it – I’d be gone. My mind dragging the other parts of me into the realm of overwhelming attention and the construction of the highest pedestal going. I’d be giving my everything like a puppy on its hunches waiting for that stripped meat bone. And, yet, what I couldn’t understand was why this attention was never reciprocated. Why, when I was giving my all, she was as reticent as she’d always been. But I’d read all the signs wrong, worshipping them more than I was doing for myself; the common denominator…ME!
But, actually, it began long before any other person was in my life.
It started when my mother was forced to leave home when I was a child and as I grew older, manifested in the subsequent choices I made. Each time I’d try to “show-off”, living beyond my means to impress one other and these abandonment issues drove me into a place where I never thought I’d ever be. It was a lonely and dark place.
I struggled to identify why this “hero-worshipping” was a constant in my own life when, finally, one special lady guided me to recognise that I’d an issue with abandonment, fear, confrontation or communicating my own emotions rather than just run away.
Eventually and on her recommendation, I ended up in counselling and in one session my eyes were made to open and I was able to see me for who I was, and not who I wanted the others to see. I recognised I was just fine being who I was and it was ok to be happy, sad, hurting or healed. I began to accept me for me, even with the childhood trauma which affected my adulthood, I was no longer there but here, in the present, in the now; what occurred then wasn’t my fault and I needed to forgive those who influenced my hero-worshipping outlook of then.
Now I say, after everything I’ve been through, experienced and learnt they’ve all contributed to me being where I was today – a success in every sense of the word. Professionally, I was a trainer, mentor, publisher, storyteller, author and entrepreneur; personally: a solid brother, son, uncle, friend and partner.
So, I’ve reached and would say I was the hero I’ve been waiting for.
Kwame MA McPherson
www.kwamemcpherson.com (under construction)
My Date With Depression: from mental uncertainty to self-fulfillment, is Kwame’s latest book and according to Rasheda Ashanti, author of ‘Swimming With Fishes’:“If ‘Slay In Your Lane’, the self-help book by millennials, Yomi Adegoke & Elizabeth Uviebinene is labelled ‘the black girl bible’ then, ‘My Date With Depression’ ought to be called ‘the black male bible’ as the similarities between the journey of life, of hills and valleys has no vastness.
This book gives an insight into success living side by side with depression, failure, fear, stress, love and a plethora of human vulnerabilities and strength. It’s inspirational, honest and an empowering read for boys and men to dare to dance with their emotions.” Pre-order now: http://bit.ly/2VixzOk